Don’t look back. 

Run,

Don’t stop,

Trust me,

Run as fast as you can,

Never look back.
Drink,

Drink till your body shakes,

Mind blurs,

Eyes close, 

No regrets though,

Keep going,

Just don’t look back.
Drugs,

You’ve done them all,

Haven’t you? 

Numbing whatever pain you’re in,

Don’t stop, 

Never look back.
Boy after boy,

Girl after girl,

You’ve gone through them all,

Trying to fuck the pain away,

Maybe it’ll work this time,

The key?

Don’t look back.
Mind numb,

Body weak,

You’ve tried it all,

Nothing left,

You’ve destroyed yourself,

The only choice?

Looking back,

Oh,

What a mess you’ve made

(perhaps avoidance is key after all).
Now my darling,

Turn around,

Keep walking,

And never ever look back,

After all, 

It’s too painful down there. 

~MM

Breathe. 

With a mind endlessly racing,

And a heart constantly beating,

That beautiful brain of yours never seems to slow down,

Breathe,

In and out,

Breathe,

My darling.
A world so fixated on time,

Tick, tick, tick,

Never slowing down,

Not even for the ones in pain,

Breathe,

In and out,

That’s what the world needs,

Take a moment,

My darling,

Just breathe.
So caught up,

Barrier after barrier,

Problem after problem,

Being thrown your way,

How is anyone meant to keep up?

A world moving too fast,

Stop,

Take a moment,

And breathe.

Oh,

My Darling,

I hope it’s enough.
I can see your eyes fading,

A body close to giving up,

With a mind that’s slowing,

And a heart ready to stop,

You can’t possibly keep up,

Breathe,

My darling.
And,

With nothing left,

Nothing but a broken world,

Filled with broken people,

Trying to keep up,

Breathe,

My darling,

Breathe,

Before it’s too late,

Before the world gives up on you.

(Just Breathe).

~MM

Overcrowded.

People,

Filling rooms,

Talking,

Laughing,

Smiling,

Pure happiness,

Content.

 

Music playing,

Dancing,

Beautiful,

Rooms full of people,

Eating,

Drinking,

What a thrill.

 

Step by step,

Joining in,

Mingling,

Touching,

Fitting in,

Conforming.

 

Overflowing with laughter,

People entering,

Filling rooms.

 

All these people,

Full of life,

Surrounding you,

Rooms filling,

Heart breaking,

Life shattering.

 

People leaving,

Nobody left,

Nobody but you,

Rooms emptying,

Don’t you get it?

You were always alone.

~MM

Make A Wish.

“Make A Wish” you whisper,

Words I still hear so clearly,

Turning to face the clock,

11:11,

So I do as you ask,

I make a wish.

 

“Make A Wish” you whisper,

It was my birthday after all,

Candle by candle

Light by light,

Slowly fading away,

With one left,

I do as you ask,

I make a wish.

 

“Make A Wish” you whisper,

Lights flickering across the night sky,

I’d never seen a shooting star before,

So I do as you ask,

I make a wish.

 

10 months later,

Your voice now nothing but a memory,

11:11 comes and goes,

Another birthday passed,

Witnessing shooting star after shooting star.

 

“Make A Wish” I whisper,

Each word tearing me apart,

Knowing my wish was impossible,

As I wished for you to stay,

Just as I always did.

Yet this time,

This time was different,

This time it was too late,

This time,

You were already gone.

~MM

Torn.

 

Home,

Echoing your name,

They all want you back,

Pulling you apart,

Limb by limb,

Breaking you down,

Destroying every bit of you,

The only choice ~

Give up,

Let them consume you,

Let them become you,

Taking every inch of you with them,

Dragging you down.

 

Your thoughts,

Your wants,

Your needs,

All irrelevant.

What matters you ask?

Them,

Their opinions,

Their happiness,

Their desires,

Pretending they care for you,

Faking their interest,

Who do they think they are?

 

Don’t you get it?

No matter how loud you scream,

Nobody cares,

It’s all an act,

As if your opinion ever mattered.

 

Sit down,

Shut up,

Let them tear you apart.

(As if you had a choice).

~MM

A Motherless Mother’s Day.

Lately I’ve found my body aching, my mind wandering, my concentration dropping and this feeling of overwhelming sadness fill my body.

Not the kind of sadness you can just brush off, I’m talking about the type that comes from a dark place inside of you, one your body can’t handle, almost writhing in pain trying to escape it.

The reason why?

Mothers day, its two days away and as each second passes I feel my breath slowly slipping away.

My first thought was to ignore the day, treat it like any other, it was just another Sunday after all.

But then it all started, it started with the emails, all these special deals to whisk your beautiful mother away.

That was the first stab, right in the back.

I guess I never saw it coming.

Shortly after, the emails progressed into advertisements, all of mother and daughter spending the day together, both carrying almost a sense of what I can only explain as a ‘sickening happiness’.

That was the second stab, not in the back this time, this one felt closer to home, this one went straight into my chest, this one stopped my heart from beating.

The next few days consisted of me deleting emails and ignoring advertisements, and then came the inevitable. Friends, they began talking about the upcoming celebrations, conversations that were inevitable no matter how badly I tried to avoid them.

This part, the third part, it felt unbearable; it was out of my control, no longer something I could ignore or turn off. This part, the worst part, that’s what took my breath away.

I’ve felt like I’ve been running on low oxygen ever since, as if its almost impossible to make it through this day. A day that was so cherished, a day I made sure never to miss, a day, the perfect day where the whole world seemed to stop, where you could finally let that one special person in your life know how much they mean to you, because without a mother, we are nothing.

I guess what I am trying to say is that it sucks. There is no other way to describe it, and for all those Motherless this Mother’s Day, just remember to breath, one day at a time you will make it through, you’ve made it this far after all, I guess that means you’re pretty amazing, time to show all of our Mother’s what strong incredible children they have raised, lets make not only our Mums but also ourselves proud this Sunday.

And…

For the others, the lucky ones blessed with their Mother’s presence this Mothers day I have only one piece of advice and that is to never take your mother for granted, life is way too short and you realize soon after they’ve gone just how much you need them.  So take some time off, move some things around, do whatever you can to be with her this Mother’s day.

That’s what I did last year, moved everything I had to fly home and see Mum, friends thinking I was crazy and asking why.

My response was simple.

I told them I had to go, I told them I felt compelled to go, I told them that I would never miss a Mother’s Day, I told them about her sickness and I told them I needed to go, I needed to do this, I needed to see her, just incase it was our last Mother’s Day together.

Not even realising just how right I would be.

~MM

A note to those who don’t understand. 

Have you ever watched a fire and wondered what it would feel like to jump right in?

Because I have.

Or have you ever watched the waves come crashing down and wonder what drowning would feel like?

Because I have.

Or have you ever held a pack of pills so tightly and wondered what it might feel like to take them all?

Because I have.

Or has it ever crossed your mind to take a blade to your wrist, wondering how deep you can push until you don’t feel anything?

Because I have.

Or,

Have you ever been driving and wondered what it would feel like to roll off the bank, drive into that power poll or roll right off that cliff?

Because I have.

So before you come around here, telling me who I am and who I am not. 

Take a step back.

And before you come over and start judging me, telling me my behaviour is “not me”.

Take a step back.

And before you even begin to reassure me that you “know what it feels like.”

Take a step back.

Take a step back, and ask yourself one simple question..

Have you ever wondered what it might feel like to just not feel anything anymore? 

Because I have. 

(You on the other hand,

You,

You need to take a step back). 

~MM