Lately I’ve found my body aching, my mind wandering, my concentration dropping and this feeling of overwhelming sadness fill my body.
Not the kind of sadness you can just brush off, I’m talking about the type that comes from a dark place inside of you, one your body can’t handle, almost writhing in pain trying to escape it.
The reason why?
Mothers day, its two days away and as each second passes I feel my breath slowly slipping away.
My first thought was to ignore the day, treat it like any other, it was just another Sunday after all.
But then it all started, it started with the emails, all these special deals to whisk your beautiful mother away.
That was the first stab, right in the back.
I guess I never saw it coming.
Shortly after, the emails progressed into advertisements, all of mother and daughter spending the day together, both carrying almost a sense of what I can only explain as a ‘sickening happiness’.
That was the second stab, not in the back this time, this one felt closer to home, this one went straight into my chest, this one stopped my heart from beating.
The next few days consisted of me deleting emails and ignoring advertisements, and then came the inevitable. Friends, they began talking about the upcoming celebrations, conversations that were inevitable no matter how badly I tried to avoid them.
This part, the third part, it felt unbearable; it was out of my control, no longer something I could ignore or turn off. This part, the worst part, that’s what took my breath away.
I’ve felt like I’ve been running on low oxygen ever since, as if its almost impossible to make it through this day. A day that was so cherished, a day I made sure never to miss, a day, the perfect day where the whole world seemed to stop, where you could finally let that one special person in your life know how much they mean to you, because without a mother, we are nothing.
I guess what I am trying to say is that it sucks. There is no other way to describe it, and for all those Motherless this Mother’s Day, just remember to breath, one day at a time you will make it through, you’ve made it this far after all, I guess that means you’re pretty amazing, time to show all of our Mother’s what strong incredible children they have raised, lets make not only our Mums but also ourselves proud this Sunday.
For the others, the lucky ones blessed with their Mother’s presence this Mothers day I have only one piece of advice and that is to never take your mother for granted, life is way too short and you realize soon after they’ve gone just how much you need them. So take some time off, move some things around, do whatever you can to be with her this Mother’s day.
That’s what I did last year, moved everything I had to fly home and see Mum, friends thinking I was crazy and asking why.
My response was simple.
I told them I had to go, I told them I felt compelled to go, I told them that I would never miss a Mother’s Day, I told them about her sickness and I told them I needed to go, I needed to do this, I needed to see her, just incase it was our last Mother’s Day together.
Not even realising just how right I would be.