I felt my body cave in on itself last night,
Retracting every movement I had ever made,
In an attempt to create an invisible self,
Perhaps if I removed all traces of myself the pain would vanish with it.
Removing every aspect of me,
As if that would make things better,
To feel small again,
To feel as though you were never really here,
Then perhaps nothing can be taken away.
You get it,
That feeling of wanting to hide away,
To become obsolete,
Or maybe even invisible for a while
To bury yourself within your own body.
It is on days like this one,
Days filled with too much sadness,
All hope stripped away,
As you begin to fall down,
Eyes transparent at the thought of it.
It is in this moment,
In these moments I despise my own self,
Almost to a point of hatred,
It is in these moments of insecurity,
These days filled with such horror,
I feel my body cave in on itself,
Now I finally know,
I have nothing left to give.