I fell asleep today,
But only for a moment,
As brief as a moment can be,
Drifting off I felt your presence so clearly. As if it was you, in my mind it wasn’t a dream, it felt like reality. The most pure thing I had felt in months, something inside me sparked, and for a moment I felt it, I felt something other than nothing. I have been getting used to this feeling of being numb for so long that it shocked me to feel something else, something so real.
Seconds filled with happiness, quickly whisked away with sadness. The moment so real, screaming out for it to stay, but just as light does, it faded away. Left again with an empty chair inside an empty room filled with so much darkness. Looking at a chair that you once lay on, and imagining your hand that once held mine. You would smile and ask if I was okay, ask if I wanted something, and I would return the favour. That’s what I loved about you, you cared so much, and as did I.
Your presence, sitting there, was enough to calm the oceans within me, settling the storm that wanted to break me apart inside. So, for a moment, that’s how I felt, I felt calm and content and almost happy reaching for your hand. Only to find my imagination had run wild, and as I reached for you, my hand hit the table. My hand began to ache as I realised it wasn’t real, as I snapped out of it, as I snapped back into reality, a place I had been trying to avoid.
The storm has risen,
More forceful than before,
Reckoning my mind,
Destroying my body,
Without your presence to calm it,
To prevent it,
To stop it,
Or even to hold me while I go through it.
For a moment,
As brief as a moment can be I guess,
I felt something,
And my god,
Something felt like everything.