The scariest part of dying. 

Have you ever thought about it?

Second guessed yourself around death.

I want you to think about it for a minute, let’s face it we don’t live forever, we are put on this earth only to eventually die.

So what part of death scares you the most? Why doesn’t society talk about it more, it’s only natural, yet there’s something about it that makes it so taboo.

I’ve thought about this question many times, and each time I believe my answer changes. Although I’ve only ever come close to death once, I don’t really remember it and In fact I wasn’t as scared as I thought I would be.

We can all hypothetically answer this question. However the reality of our answers never show until we are placed in those moments, those moments where we know we are dying, when life is coming to an end, where you really have to sit back and ask yourself –

“What part of dying scares the hell out of me?”

A question I asked my Mum, a couple of years after her diagnosis, it genuinely interested me and I wanted to know how she was feeling. But her answer really surprised me, almost knocked me back and it took me a few moments to readjust and figure out how to reply.

Her answer,

She wasn’t scared of death, she was one of the brave ones. Instead what scared her the most was the people she was leaving behind. This truely shows what kind of person she was. One that was willing to do anything for other people, a person willing to put everyone else before herself.

She continued telling me about how scared she was at the thought of us having to carry on, having to survive and live our own lives without her around. What she needed was some reassurance, reassurance that we would be okay, so that’s what I gave her. I promised her over and over again that we would be okay, it would be hell but we would survive this, we would do it for her.

After that day, I never saw fear in her eyes again, almost as if a weight was lifted off her shoulders. She felt relaxed, she felt almost ready for whatever happens next, that to me is bravery, and she had copious amounts of it.

Thinking back to her last day on this earth, I remember her slowly slipping away, looking at me with this slight fear back in her eyes. Something I didn’t want her to have, I didn’t want her last few moments to feel like that. So I leant in close, grabbed her hand and whispered “all the people you leave behind are going to be okay, I promise.”

The fear instantly leaving her eyes, slowly her breathing relaxed, slipping away…

After all, she wasn’t scared anymore.

~MM

One thought on “The scariest part of dying. ”

  1. Heartbreakingly beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing and I’m so sorry for your loss. Your mum would be so proud of the way you have honoured her in this piece. Big hugs, peace, love n light

    Liked by 1 person

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