3am. 

Up all night,

Restless, 

My veins pulsating, 

Mind racing,

Body Shaking,

“Do it” – they whisper, 

“I don’t want to” – I yell back, 

My voice shaking, 

Lying doesn’t suit me, 

Time seems to stop, 

Is it really this easy?

Will they still think of me? 

So many questions, 

All left unanswered, 

I pull back, 

Hesitant, 

Even my minds playing tricks on me, 

Catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror, 

Eyes tired,

Hair messy, 

My face – almost transparent, 

Sickness doesn’t suit me, 

Tears begin streaming down my face, 

Thinking of my sister, 

The only one worth fighting for, 

Stop,

This isn’t you, 

This isn’t you! 

Finally reality hits, 

It all becomes clear, 

I have to stay, 

Closing the pill container, 

I drift back to sleep, 

Promising myself I would never come that close again.

~MM

One thought on “3am. ”

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