Behind closed doors.

“Smile” they say.

So you do.

All you do is smile, because that’s what they asked, thats what they want, isn’t it?

Society plays on all of our minds, comment after comment about how we shouldn’t carry these looks of “sadness” on our faces, as if we know any different.

Society is messed up, just like we are, just like I am.

Have you ever noticed that when people ask “how are you?”, they never really listen to the answer, so you say “good”. We all say “good”, while at the same time we are dying inside because we can’t bare the thought of suffering through another day, we can’t come to terms with the idea that things may will get better, because what if they don’t. No stranger really wants to know how you are, sometimes even friends don’t want to know.

Society tends to frown upon those that are depressed or sad, associating these terms with   weakness. Yet, weakness has no connection to these deep emotions everyone feels inside.

If we all just stop for a minute, and really think… think about how we would like to answer that, “how are you?”, question.

Today, I asked myself “how am I?”, and finally the truth came out.

Today is one of my bad days I said, today is one of those days where I don’t feel like getting out of bed, where all I want to do is crawl up into myself and never face society again. I am sick and tired of hiding how I truly feel just to make everyone else feel better, I am sick of hiding behind closed doors.

We go about our days, a smile plastered across our faces, a laugh more fake than anyone will ever know, we put one leg in front of the other and we go about our day as best as we can. But at the end of the day, when the time comes to go home, to close the front door and remove that face we have been wearing all day, how many of us are still smiling?

It feels as though two separate lives are being lived, one that society wants to see and another that society would immediately withdraw from.

Behind closed doors we are all different people. Behind closed doors we finally feel as though we can be ourselves.

Over the last 9 months, I have been one of those people who wears a “mask” when the go out, having to remove it every day when I get home. Nobody truly knows how you feel but yourself, is that what society wants? For us to have nobody but ourselves.

From someone with a world of experience, I can tell you how bad this truly is, when all you have left is yourself.

From today onwards, I refuse to abide by those societal rules.

I believe… we can never be truly happy until we are ourselves 24/7. I am sick of being that type of “fake happy” society wants.

So who is with me?

Let us finally break the chain and let everyone know that its okay not to be okay. Its okay to be yourself all the time and if that involves breaking down every once in a while then embrace it. At the end of the day, the only way we can get through life, the only way we can learn how to survive, is with each others help.

“So, how do we do this?” you may ask.

The answer is easy…

…Next time someone asks you “how are you?”, don’t say “good”.

Let your emotions run wild, let your mind run free, let yourself finally breathe in the idea that you are no longer alone, you have now been set free, you are no longer hiding “behind closed doors.”

~MM

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